Inspector of Gizmos: The Sushi Bazooka

Marion Kozub

White, cylindrical plastic Sushi Bazooka device lying on wooden table

Test out my lightsaber!
Picture: Dennis Lee

Inspector of Devices is our sequence that investigates, critiques, and experiments with some of the most idiosyncratic single-use kitchen area utensils on the market place (or observed on eBay). The target is to figure out why on earth these goods are, or have been at any time, “a point.” Which kinds will genuinely shock us, and which kinds will leave us wishing we hadn’t blown $9.99?


Because I’ve began this column, I have started off to amass some genuinely interesting kitchen devices. So much, none of them have fairly carried out the trick. My tries at utilizing the Eggstractor egg peeler resulted in weird hardboiled egg yolk extrusions and 1 of the grossest foodstuff pictures I’ve ever taken. My attempt to skim fat with the Excess fat Magnet was virtually fruitless. At least I had a great stew for evening meal that night time.

Right now I am tests a gadget referred to as the Sushi Bazooka. It’s built to assist you make makizushi, aka maki rolls, which evidently ample men and women are performing at dwelling to justify the creation of this factor. Awesome! Do you make sushi at residence? I never. Sushi even now feels like these types of a treat for me that I let the specialists take care of it.

The Sushi Bazooka arrived in a nondescript cardboard box with nothing at all on it, not even a label. When I pulled it out, I was immediately struck by how significantly this factor seemed like a lightsaber hilt. Out of the blue I was starring in my individual edition of Star Wars as Darth Dennis. I swung the matter all-around generating deep humming noises, just as a developed-ass gentleman does when he’s by yourself in the kitchen. Then I set some rice in the rice maker and examined the Sushi Bazooka to figure out how it worked.

disassembled sushi bazooka in four parts, including what look like two cups and a rod

Huh.
Photograph: Dennis Lee

No instructions were incorporated in the box. There was no way for me to determine out how to use this thing on my own, given that none of it was especially intuitive. I figured that the extensive stick in the middle was some sort of plunger, but that was about as considerably as I could get. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on, so I nosed close to on YouTube and discovered this helpful video from the well known meals channel Emmymade. (This channel is great, by the way. You really should check out it out.)

The Emmymade movie did the trick, and no, there is no way on earth I would have figured this out on my have.

By then, the sticky rice was ready. I seasoned it with a combination of rice vinegar, sugar, and salt, then allow it great off a bit. In the meantime, I greased the within of the Sushi Bazooka with some vegetable oil. Sticky rice surely lives up to its identify and will stick to approximately just about anything, so the oil is an absolute necessity. (Right after a life time of ingesting sticky rice I can also convey to you that if it sticks to the base of your socks it is very best to wait right until it hardens to decide it off, like a scab. I have so lots of everyday living classes to train you all.)

rice tamped inside each half of the Sushi Bazooka chamber with the central rod in place

So which is what the tamper does!
Image: Dennis Lee

I assumed when I first disassembled the Sushi Bazooka that the more compact white cylinder served only as a plunger to push out the sushi rice from the tube. But it turns out it’s also to tamp down the center of each individual 50 % of the rice to carve out a very little rice canoe into which you stuff your fillings.

Sushi Bazooka stuffed with California roll ingredients

Let’s gooooo
Photograph: Dennis Lee

For my inaugural sushi roll, I utilized California roll components: crab adhere, cucumber, and tons of avocado because I am a single of those folks who can under no circumstances get plenty of avocado. And then I shut the Bazooka, with the tamper attachment screwed into just one aspect. If I hadn’t found the Emmymade online video, I would not have recognized you were supposed to assemble it like this.

Sushi Bazooka reassembled, with the tamper rod sticking all the way out of the chamber

Ready to press out!
Photograph: Dennis Lee

This was eventually the Sushi Bazooka’s minute to glow. It was time for the system to shit out a log of stuffed rice, onto a sheet of nori. Immediately after a handful of turns of the plunger, I slowly but surely pushed out the sushi roll.

An imperfect, slightly fissured  cylinder of rice extruding from the Sushi Bazooka onto some nori

Pretty much!
Image: Dennis Lee

Very well, I skipped the mark by an inch or so. Regretably, if you mess up the landing, you are not able to repair this. Recall how I said sticky rice sticks to something? In this situation, it fuses to the nori immediately. All my makes an attempt to move the tube resulted in a ripped mess, so I gave up on making an attempt to fix it and rolled it up in any case, working with a minimal h2o on the edge of the sheet to seal the whole thing shut.

My next attempt, however, was a winner, and I sliced it into perfect small rounds healthy for eating. The rice layer did tumble aside on celebration even though I was slicing, so it is important to be aware that you must pack the Sushi Bazooka tightly for the ideal results. The pics turned out nicely, even though.

Cross-section of two pieces of California roll sushi

Not much too shabby!
Picture: Dennis Lee

Truthfully, I was fairly delighted with the outcomes! If you have all your ingredients prepared, it doesn’t consider terribly lengthy to make a bunch of sushi logs that are completely ready to slice. We experienced a great deal of California rolls for supper that night. Think about me impressed.

Though I ate, I commenced considering, thinking about other dumb creations I could make with this issue. Really should I try out stuffing a roll with an complete warm dog? Sand? Crayons? ChapStick?

Then a vivid strategy struck me, as if it had been sent from yet another dimension. I ought to things this goddamn thing with floor meat rather of rice! Possibly I could do a Massive Mac roll, stuffed with pickles, onions, and American cheese, then grill it, top it with additional cheese, special sauce, and sesame seeds.

Sushi Bazooka chamber filled with raw meat, pickles, onions, and tiny rips of cheese

Oh certainly.
Photograph: Dennis Lee

I did briefly think about feeding on it uncooked, tartare-type, but I did not truly feel like the Sushi Bazooka was worthy of contracting a meals-borne health issues in excess of. Although the line in between meals I will and will not eat is usually blurry, avoiding a preventable catastrophe seemed like the ideal course of motion.

I imply, seem at it. This may be the biggest detail I have at any time completed.

Pink cylinder of raw meat extruded from Sushi Bazooka, fully encasing the Big Mac ingredients

What have I carried out?
Image: Dennis Lee

It took a little little bit more strain to crap out the meat than the rice, but a meat log finally slid out painlessly with almost no mess at all. I pinched both sides shut with my fingers, sprinkled the meat log with a liberal amount of money of salt and freshly cracked black pepper, and tossed the heinous-on the lookout detail on the grill.

Meat log on the grill grates, turning brown and oozing some cheese out the side

How great!
Photograph: Dennis Lee

Permit us get this out of the way promptly: Certainly, this seemed like a leaky turd. As the meat contracted on the grill, the cheese started off dripping out, just as I experienced feared it would. The initial flip was really perilous as only the base 50 % was cooked, but I persevered. Be sure to respect and validate my existence.

To finish it off, I draped some a lot more cheese on major and allow the residual heat melt it. Then I poured about a unique sauce made from ketchup, mayo, and pickle relish, and topped it with some sesame seeds. The shredded lettuce was represented as burger bedding, type of like wood shavings for a hamster. I’d at first considered about cradling the total thing into a French roll, but then it would not glimpse or feel like sushi, would it? And so there it was: Significant Mac Sushi!

Big Mac sushi topped with melted cheese, special sauce, and sesame seeds on a bed of shredded lettuce

Feast your eyes on this Major Mac sushi!
Picture: Dennis Lee

My neighbor was out on the back again porch when I was taking pics, so I requested if she’d like to try a piece. She received initial crack at it. Then she looked at me and mentioned, “This is confusingly superior.” I took a roll and ate it much too, and you know what? It was delightful. It was also sort of blasphemous hunting. But I think I’m onto anything, everybody. I have a Rollie Eggmaster stashed absent perhaps I could make a cylindrical Scotch egg or a little something. No subject what I conclusion up executing with it, do not be shocked if I clearly show up at your yard barbecue with a cooler whole of meat cylinders, muttering loudly to myself about how my genius is underappreciated.

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